Have you had a series of “bad jobs” or “bad job experiences”? Perhaps a few jobs in a row that haven’t worked out? Some of these situations may indeed have been objectively awful for reasons having nothing to do with you and beyond your control, but you do also have to stop and notice that you are a common denominator in all of them. While it’s much easier to just put all the blame on the jobs and I understand that it can be uncomfortable and unpleasant to look in the mirror, it really is in our best interest. By examining closer how we might have played a role in creating our experiences, we can learn and prevent against finding ourselves in the same situation again in the future. If we want things on the outside to be different, we often have to look inside first.
While there are several ways we can influence our work experiences, here are a few to consider. Also note, it’s not black and white. It’s not necessarily all your fault or all the job/company’s fault for the situation. It could be both contributing to the “bad experience.” You just want to be aware of and own the part you might have played. And if you do feel one (or more) of these ring true for you, have some self-compassion; nobody’s perfect. What’s important is that we learn and grow and take the next step forward to create more of what we want.
1. Are you choosing jobs that aren’t actually a good fit for you?
Just like the saying goes, when you try to put a square peg in a round hole, things aren’t going to work out. If we’re choosing to pursue jobs that are all wrong for us, it’s going to be very hard to succeed in them. On some level, deep down, perhaps you have known that the job wasn’t a good match for you, or that you weren’t really interested in it. But it can be hard to listen to that inner voice. There are a lot of influences, external and internal, that can cause us to override what it has to say. Things like how this is a "good" job and you should want it, that this is what you went to school for/have been doing in your career to date so you should do this etc. But until we are ready to get in touch with what we really want and find work that we genuinely enjoy and can therefore likely excel at, it’s going to be tough going working against yourself.
2. Is there a theme? Do you experience this situation/feeling in other areas of your life?
This point is perhaps best made with an illustrative example. Let’s say in your job you always feel like the responsible one; you feel like you have to do all the work for everyone, others don’t pull their weight and they rely on you to figure everything out and take charge. You feel burdened by this, a bit (or very) resentful and taken advantage of time and time again. “How would they get everything done and all the details taken care of and on time if it weren’t for me?” you wonder. You end up leaving the job(s) because you’re stressed out and sick of doing it all for everyone else.
Well, do you feel this way in your significant relationships? With your partner? Family? In your friend groups are you the “organizer”? If so, that’s something to reflect on and a clear indication that it’s not just the job(s). There’s something deeper going on inside of you too look at. Possibly some beliefs around responsibility or perfectionism or control etc. There’s a saying that goes, “How we do one thing is how we do everything.” If we can pinpoint what those beliefs are that are underlying our approach to life we can begin to question them and change our experience. See if how you feel in your jobs is similar to how you feel in other areas of your life.
3. Is there some self-sabotage going on?
Many people struggle with self-sabotage, conscious or subconscious. You might be engaging in behavior, knowingly or not, that repeatedly prevents your success at work. This article by Ellen Hendriksen, Ph.D. outlines six reasons why people self-sabotage their success: issues with self-worth and feeling undeserving, trying to control perceived inevitable failure, feeling like a fraud/imposter syndrome, wanting to use the destructive behaviour as the scapegoat reason for failure instead of themselves, to maintain an internal narrative of themselves as a failure, out of a need to sustain the more familiar feeling of instability and chaos. It’s worth taking a closer look to see if you might be engaging in one (or more) of these behaviors. Remember, don’t make yourself bad if you do. It generally means there’s something deeper going on inside - fear, unworthiness, shame, despair etc. So try to meet yourself with some compassion.
