The thing is, initially, if left unchecked, we can let fear get in the driver's seat and have us stay in the status quo. Perhaps it will even try convincing us that it's not that bad. No judgment, I’ve been here so. many. times.
But from awareness, that which can choose to look directly at our fears, we can see clearly. We can see how all the arguments to stay here actually have nothing to do with how we really feel. They’re just creating a lot of pressure in our system to get us to think we want this, but deep down we know that’s not true. Very understandable when acknowledging what is true would throw the projected future into uncertainty. Your truth can be very inconvenient.
But, here’s what’s also true: listening to your fear will never lead you to your desires, to your fulfillment.
So, how do we not let fear run the show? We need to become intimately acquainted with it.
Right when you notice it’s here, do a little inquiry: What is it telling you?
Real actual danger will be obvious. Rather, what I’m talking about are the stories fear makes up about the various everyday life situations we find ourselves in, whether related to that's work/career or other.
This is where some skill is involved. Awareness is a practice. We want to look below the surface of the scenario to find the real fear it’s triggering.
What are you making it mean to you or about you if you were to leave this job/career path? Or if the future outcome you fear happens? Fear is often coming from the meaning and narrative we're choosing to put to situations.
Some common examples: It will mean I’m not enough, it will mean there’s something wrong with me, it will mean I’ve failed/am a failure, it will mean I’m letting people down, it will mean no one wants me, it will mean I’ll never have or do what I want...and on and on...
We compassionately notice.
We observe the story, but at the same time know it’s just that, a story. It’s not informative about reality. It’s not telling us anything except that this is where you are pushing up against your personal limitations of what your mental wiring and nervous system thinks is safe. Pushing up against a limiting belief - a belief - not what’s actually true.
This is tricky because there is a part of you that believes it is true or else you wouldn’t be having this thought in the first place. But we stay with the awareness of all this, not identified with and buying into the narrative of the thought.
This is how, while fear may be in the car, we stay in the driver's seat.
Next, tend to the body. The wild sensations - the solar plexus clench, stomach churn, chest throb, throat burn, any many other sensations fear can initiate.
Talk to them: “Hey there, you’re welcome to be here and hang out with me while I do this thing.” Like you're holding your own hand.
This too is a practice. It's a practice to learn how to be in your body, how to be present with these sensations, with the fear thoughts, with whatever is arising without trying to change anything.
Again, without trying to change anything!
As non-dual teacher Kiran Trace says, bring a deep warm welcoming internal bow to it all.
The welcome is all you need to soften, to find equanimity, to stay with you and the truth. To not fall into identification with the fear.
I get that “don’t let fear get in the driver's seat” can sound to the mind like the “feel the fear and do it anyway” messaging. But that is not tender, not kind, not welcoming. Rather, it’s a pointer to push through and try to ignore your physical experience. This is not that. No, loves - that’s not the path to healing.
Healing is inclusive of your pain. It has to be. Kiran says (paraphrasing), the warm welcome is where peace is, the giant internal No is only causing more suffering. True, no?
So we stay as awareness, of the story, of the sensations, welcoming it to be here all while we do the thing our mind and body thinks is scary. When you stay as awareness, that which you actually are, there is space for it all. Fear is allowed to be here, and will be here the whole time while you move step by step toward your fulfillment.
And by moving through fear, not from fear, you’re showing yourself bit by bit how you are capable, you do have the capacity, you are supported here, and so are your desires for change. You will be met with the kindness of actual reality, not the world of the mind made up of projected fear stories.
The more you practice this, the more lived experience will show you very clearly that these fears are not where to place your energy, because again, they’re just not informative about reality. But you don't have to take my word on this, in fact, I don't want you to. I want you to find out for yourself.
Keep focused on your desires.
Fear will be present. You just need to be present with it.
Let's be friends! It's better together.
