Perhaps you’ve been furloughed, perhaps you’ve been let go, or maybe you came to the realization you were too unhappy and needed to quit, global pandemic be damned. For anyone in one of the above situations you’re likely afraid and asking yourself, “What’s next? What’s going to happen next?!” Enter anxiety, panic, confusion and a feeling of groundlessness. It’s like a rug has been pulled out from under you. The mental runway of what you had pictured for your future has dissolved. You’re in free fall, desperately wanting answers and direction.
This is a very challenging spot to be in. I know. I can point to what it’s like because I’ve experienced it. It takes a lot of strength to walk through. The thoughts and emotions can be very intense and painful. It’s not easy to navigate in any circumstance, let alone during a global crisis when there are huge question marks looming over much of the entire job market, not just you.
Here are 5 things to keep in mind to dial back your stress and take your next steps.
See the opportunity here
When the mental picture of your future is pulled away from you, there’s an opportunity. What’s on offer is a chance to lift your head up from the constant focus on your work and “getting ahead.” Ask yourself, “Is where I’ve been trying to get in that job where I truly want to go?” Even more, since there isn’t even much of a “there” there (arrivals are elusive), the real question is, “Am I enjoying this journey? Have I been enjoying my day to day lived experience of my work?”
Ultimately, is the near and distant future you had painted for yourself what you genuinely even want? This is an opportunity to reflect on these questions and identify what you truly want for your life.
It’s ok to mourn the loss
It’s likely you worked hard in your job, and now it feels as though it’s amounted to nothing. Whether you’re being forced to change direction through external or internal forces, it can feel like a giant loss. In hindsight you may see it’s actually a gift, but right now there’s a grieving process to move through. Don’t push all that you might be feeling aside. Let the natural process happen and give it time.
Then perhaps see the situation more accurately: it’s not that your experiences have amounted to nothing, they’ve just not led to where you thought they would. But how do you know that what’s happening right now isn’t part of getting you to where you want to go (especially if you’re taking note of point 1)? You really don’t.
Your mind will not be able to predict where you will land
When in your life has your mind known anything about how something will go? There are very few instances. This will be no different. The future is a mystery, a dance with the unknown. But you do have to dance. Don’t get stuck in “I don’t knows” or fear and inaction. Getting greater clarity on what you want to do next for work is where you start (which yeah, often isn’t a walk in the park so try reading this). Then all you have to do is take small steps toward it, get in the dance.
Each step prompts an interaction with others and many moving pieces and variables (especially in this economic climate). You can’t control all that, but you can control how well you stay focused on what you want, and keep exploring the world to see how it might happen.
Your mind may be anxious to secure an ending to the drama, to know how this all plays out and get to your next gig, but that’s how you find yourself in a random job you don’t actually want. Then back at square one where you are now. So, if your finances allow, try to gather the willingness to hang out in the mystery for a bit. Not easy, I know, so see below.
Uncertainty is exhausting. Practice acceptance and give yourself what you need
Living in uncertainty can be exhausting. The exhaustion comes from all the intense mental activity, the fears, all the feelings that are coming up that you’re trying to run from all day - doing that in itself is a full-time job. And perhaps your usual tool to escape - work - isn’t there for you anymore so it’s just you battling yourself all day. Or maybe you’re filling your time to the brim with other home-based tasks to stay productive and distracted. But there’s no real relief in that, just more exhaustion.
What is a relief though? Accepting how you feel. As my teacher Kiran Trace says, acceptance is “just finally saying, yup, yup this is where I am...this is me, this is pain, this is hurt, this is enough, this is frustrating, this is fatigue.” All the feelings are welcome.
When I practice acceptance things feel lighter as I’m no longer working so hard to push everything down. Then I find what it is I need at that moment to feel better - perhaps it’s going for a walk, taking a long hot shower, watching a funny TV show, or just resting in bed. It’s not frantic distraction, it’s self-care. There’s someone finally listening to how you feel: you.
Seek out those who can understand and talk with you
This is a legitimate thing to seek help with. Our work takes up a huge part our lives and individual identities. Any change can be very disorienting and stressful. The thing is though not everyone can really understand what you’re experiencing and help you. Some can sympathize, but few will have tools to help you understand what’s really going on inside for you and how to move forward.
Talk to a career coach like myself, or a counselor or therapist, or perhaps you do have a very wise and insightful friend. Seek out whomever you feel is appropriate for you. Just know you don’t need to keep it all in and figure this out on your own. And needing help doesn’t mean anything about you other than you have the courage to raise your hand.
