So, let’s say you’ve just been through a significant career transition and you find yourself speaking to people you haven’t seen in awhile, perhaps at a party with friends/family/acquaintances or you bump into old colleagues. In conversation, someone asks you “So, what are you doing now?”
Some may feel totally fine to answer this question, no problem. For others though, it can feel extremely uncomfortable, be anxiety provoking and bring up a lot of emotions. Even for someone just contemplating a career change the thought of having to answer this question in the future can create anxiety.
Why is this question so stressful? It could be for any number of reasons. Perhaps you’re worried about what others are thinking and whether they’ll judge you for your decision to make a change and/or what you have chosen to pursue now (especially if the new option isn’t as “prestigious” as your former job in the eyes of your peers). You may feel like you have to explain your life choices to others. Or maybe you’re just finding your sea-legs in this new career and not even really sure for yourself what you’re doing!
So, how can you approach answering this question? How can you feel calmer about it so you’re not dreading someone asking you, “So, what are you doing now?”
Here are seven points to keep in mind, help you shift your perspective and feel less stressed:
1. You don’t actually know for sure what anyone is thinking.
You may feel pretty strongly that you know what others are thinking and have in your mind that they’re judging you and your career change in some negative light, but unless they explicitly tell you, you can never really know for sure. So, until you do know for sure, put your conjectures aside. What others are thinking is their business, not yours.
If you do find out that they do really think what you fear they’re thinking, well, those people are not your people. They’re not who you want to be around anyway. You can cultivate new people who will support your endeavors.
2. Others likely don’t care as much as you think.
Not only do we usually not really know for sure what someone is thinking about us, they’re also often not thinking about us at all. How much time do you spend thinking about other people and judging their choices? Likely (hopefully!) not a lot. Most of us are quite busy and stay pretty focused on our own life. So we can actually take comfort in the fact that others probably don’t care that much about what we’re doing. Stay focused on you, just as they are focused on themselves.
3. You don’t owe them an explanation.
The decision to change careers can be one filled with a lot of emotions and it’s a personal journey you’ve been on. To share that story with others can be scary and make you feel vulnerable. But keep in mind that you don’t owe your full story or any explanation of why you decided to make a change to anyone. It’s your personal story to tell and you can decide with who and when to share it. If someone asks why you made your career change, feel free to offer a simplified version of the truth such as, “I’ve always wanted to try [your new thing]” or “I just couldn’t see myself in [your past career] long-term” etc.
4. Be proud of yourself. You’re doing something amazing.
Look at you — Making a career change can take guts. People often stay in jobs or careers they hate because they’re too scared to make a change. You’ve done it! Even what you’re doing right now, having conversations and answering the question: “So, what are you doing now?” The fear of judgment or having to explain themselves can scare some people so much it can deter them from change.
So, remember this and stand tall in the fact that you have done (or are in the middle of doing) something so many people just never have the courage to do. Also, know that some of the people you’re speaking to may admire you or even may secretly be jealous of your courage to go after a new career and what you want.
5. Be honest with where you’re at. No one expects you to have this all figured out and they can’t help you if you don’t let them in.
In an attempt to ward off judgment, we may be tempted to try to put on an air that we have this new career all figured out and are doing better or are more successful in it than we really are. But, keep in mind two things. First, no one expects you to have this all figured out when it’s something new (if anything they may even suspect you’re not telling the truth). Second, when we pretend that we’ve got it all together we’re closing the door for others to help us. You don’t have to share everything, but letting people know that you’re just starting out or in the process of learning how to do this new thing etc. gives the people you’re speaking to an opportunity to directly help or connect you with someone who could be a good client referral, mentor, industry contact etc. People generally want to help others, but they can’t help you if you’re not honest about where you’re at and presenting like you have it all together.
6. You just might have an awesome conversation.
Whether they offer to help you out or not, when they ask you what you’re up to now, they’re likely just curious or genuinely interested in what you’re doing now. If you get out of your mind and the fear of what they might be thinking, you could be pleasantly surprised and enjoy yourself connecting with this person about your career interests. Every time someone asks, “So, what are you doing now?” there’s the potential to get into a really interesting and fun conversation.
7. It’s just a question.
Remember, at the end of the day, all they’re doing is asking you a simple question. Asking what someone does for work is a pretty standard question. I know you may feel like it carries a lot of weight, but you don’t have to let your mind make it into a bigger deal than it is. You can keep it simple and just answer the question.
