Sara Young Wang

A deeply personal love letter from me to you. ❤

Hello dear ones. This work we would do together is intimate. So I thought perhaps one way to share about my coaching is to tell you a deeply personal story. If it resonates with you there’s a good chance we’re a good fit to work together.

Here it goes:

There’s a personal development exercise aimed at helping people find what job or career they would like. It asks, “What were you obsessed with as a child? What were you always doing and thinking about?”

The idea is that someone will say they were in love with building blocks. And perhaps that’s a clue that they should be an architect or real estate developer etc.

For me, my answer to this question of what I was obsessed with as a child is not so straight forward. I was obsessed with freedom. I was looking for the way to get to a place where I was free to be myself; to just be.

As small children we’re just fine going through the world happy, fulfilled, and content with ourselves. And those around us allow us to be, simply be. But this only lasts a few years. Then comes a tremendous amount of instruction from parents, caregivers, teachers and society - “Be this way, not that way. This is right, that is wrong.” Some of it, of course, is necessary socialization, but the message you get is that you aren’t ok just as you are and must change. All your authentic ways of being and desires inside you are now made into a problem, something to be managed and controlled. And this is where we learn that it’s not ok and not safe to be our authentic selves. That what is arising in us needs to be evaluated and overridden to fit what is expected and required.

Of course, I didn’t consciously know this is what was happening as a child. All I knew is that the world felt terrible because I didn’t feel I could be myself. And I felt this way for most of my life.

The underlying tone of all the messaging I personally took in was, “You need to be perfect. You need to be the best. You need to be successful.” And successful in the traditional sense of being a “somebody” with lots of money, prestige, status etc. So, I pushed myself onward to go to fancy schools, get fancy jobs, forcing myself to do the things required. I was a devotee of all our culture’s beliefs about work. That work involves pain and sacrifice, pushing aside your own priorities and needs, and that it’s normal and necessary to place work above your health, relationships and enjoyment of life.

My parents never told me I had to do or be anything, but it was implicit. The same way it’s implicit in our society that people with more money are seen as better than and as having more value than those that have less. The same way we all strive for this unexamined notion of “success” thinking if we’re successful we will be ok, be good enough, be happy etc. We don’t talk about it much, but these toxic beliefs - and many others - are there. And they motivate our life choices. They strike us with fear that we might not stack up, we’ll be unlovable and unsafe, if we don’t strive to be and do and have what we’re supposed to. It’s all not true. But here we are living out our lives as if it is; only leading to disappointment, misery and continued striving for an illusionary future where when we have more success we’ll be ok. And then we develop all kinds of coping mechanisms to deal with the pain, which only brings more suffering. For me this took the form of nearly fatal anorexia.

Living this way, being motivated by these beliefs is unsustainable. And so inevitably there is a breaking point, usually in pop culture called a mid-life crisis (which for me came early at the age of 27). It’s a painful and messy breaking point. But also, if you take advantage of it and dig deep there’s the invitation for a breakthrough. It’s really a gift.

Maybe for some it’s just hitting a wall with their unhappiness. The catalyst for my breaking point was getting physically sick. Really, really sick with a completely debilitating case of Lyme disease. My body was drawing a line in the sand and no longer going to let my mind trample my soul. In sickness, I was forced to surrender and do the deep inner work. And what emerged was a beautiful offering.

Because I finally found what I was looking for for all those years. I found the way to be able to show up here and be myself, my true self. I found the freedom I was looking for.

Here’s the thing; it’s inside of you. It’s in returning to the perfect one you were before all the external instruction and “shoulds” came in. See just how perfect you were. And how perfect you are right now in this moment. You need no changing.

Ask yourself, who would you be without any interference of thought that you should do or be anything other than that which is naturally you? Let go of who you think you need to be and come into who you are.

It’s a process of coming into awareness of all the thoughts, beliefs and fears that have become “you” as you are today. Awareness is the first step. Then we can examine all that’s going on inside and begin to see what’s really true. You’ll see much of what you’re holding on to you can let go of. And by doing that you’re creating the space for what is authentically you to come through. Find your inner signal in all the noise and let it be your guiding light for your next steps.

This will take some time. Your inner signal will be very faint at first. We’ve spent a lifetime denying who we are, how we really feel, our needs and desires. It was never relevant and overridden by arguments of what we “should” do, the “practical,” “safe” or strategically smart thing (perhaps all that logic is coming into question for you now). Before I could find what I wanted to do for work, what kind of work I love, I had to learn for the first time what desire felt like - what it felt like to do something from a place of pure intrinsic joy, because you want to - not because you should or to get someplace or prove something. Getting in touch with joy - with your true, authentic Yes - is how we find our way.

Over time, the more we clear away all the “shoulds” and all the scaffolding we’ve built around ourselves and mistaken for our true self (i.e. labels of laywer, banker, consultant, successful achiever etc.) the more clarity we will have. There will be the space for what we genuinely want and our next steps to come through. We’re talking about career navigation, but since we spend so much of our lives in our work, we’re really talking about how we want to spend our time here on the planet. You can spend it in freedom, in giving it your all to follow your truth and do what lights you up. It’s possible for you. Yes, it’s deeply challenging, yes there will be fears and resistance to it, but it is 100% rewarding to take your time to do this work.

Freedom in being you is found after you dissolve down the identity you’ve created in the name of survival and held up for so long. That’s why you’re exhausted. Holding up an inauthentic self is so much work. Simply being you is much easier. For all those years I suffered because I so desperately just wanted to exist - to have the freedom to just be myself. Having to be “somebody,” try to get somewhere in my life, create certain “successful” circumstances to feel safe was the source of all the struggle. The good news is it’s all not necessary.

My story is in a way everyone’s story. There comes a time when we each will need to go through the process of finding our authentic self, of awakening to what’s really true. And what’s true is that it’s safe to be your true self, you’re good enough, perfect just as you are, and have unbelievable unique and valuable gifts to offer the world through embodying your authentic self. Build out your career and your life from this place and you’ll be on solid ground.

They say that we are only willing to change, to look at what’s really going on and find the courage to change when things get bad enough. That was true for me. If you’re there now, I’d like to share with you what I learned on my own journey and transformation. I’d like to share the things I have learned that have shown me life can be so much more enjoyable than you think. I’d like to hold your hand and guide you as you walk this path for yourself.

It all makes sense. As a child I was obsessed with freedom. And now I’m here to help you find yours. Let’s do this together. ❤

xo S